Science Fiction is Pretty

Beauty and the Beast

It is about a beautiful lawyer and her boyfriend who is a lion-man.  I know it sounds weird, and maybe kinda sick, but it is VERY romantic.  It’s like having a boyfriend and a great pet rolled into one! 

The lawyer, Catherine, is played by Linda Hamilton who is even prettier here because it was before she got her Terminator muscles and started dressing like a boy. She wears pretty dresses and goes to fancy parties in the big city.

Ron Perlman (who looks even more handsome with his lion face on) plays her lion-boyfriend, Vincent. He is super strong and dresses like he works at the Renaissance Fair.  He is very sensitive and sweet, but sometimes the beast in him comes out and he has to be careful not to accidentally claw or bite Catherine (just like my cat Angelus!).  Vincent lives in an underground city filled with more Renaissance Fair people in the sewers of New York, which sounds gross, but it is very nice and comfortable and they are one big happy family. 

Now, you never find out how Vincent was born. I think it was a genetic experiment gone horribly wrong.  I’d hate to think somebody married a cat, but I have heard of weirder things. My mom says my uncle Bert married a pig, but I think she was speaking metaphorically. < --New word alert!

One day the Beauty Lawyer Lady is mugged in the park and Vincent saves her.  They fall in love, but she doesn’t kiss him because he is a lion-man and that would be gross.  So instead of kissing and stuff, he reads her poetry and she brushes his mane and brings him presents from the surface world.  They become connected by the soul and he can sense when she is in danger and kills people who are hurting her (I told you it was romantic!).

Now this might sound like a science fiction show only girls would like, but in every episode Vincent gets mad and kills somebody with his claws, so I’m sure boys would like it too.

Top 5 GOOD Things about having a lion-man boyfriend:

1. Protects you from muggers and mice.
2. You can hug him and he can hug you back, unlike my real cat who just squirms to get away.
3. You don’t have to clean out his litter box or get your allowance taken away because you forgot again and the house got smelly.
4. You have a loophole for the no-boys-in-your-room rule.
5. You can brush his hair for hours while he reads you poetry.

Top 5 BAD Things about have a lion-man boyfriend:

1. He wouldn’t like to go swimming with you.
2. His breath would smell like cat food.
3. Fleas.
4. His tongue would feel like sandpaper and you wouldn’t learn how to French kiss.
5. You could never get a pet monkey because he might eat it.

 That’s all for this week.  I have to go now for my Jazz-a-Motion dance class.  Talk to you later.

AAYF,Cindy Schrute

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X’s and O’s are a registered trademark of Cindy Schrute enterprises, all rights reserved.

Comments

Paula Abdul? Comment by veronica – September 20, 2006 1:29:52 am PDT Is the lady in the picture Paula Abdul?

Lionel Comment by info – September 20, 2006 1:05:13 pm PDT Not Paula, but the lionman is actually Lionel Richie.

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